So I'm trying to figure out just how deep into this "internet personality" world I should go. Until my real computer starts working again (and who knows when the fuck that will happen), my YouTube channel is pretty stagnant save for a few kick-ass 30 second Black Ops videos showcasing my wild tomahawk skills. And yes, there is a small part of me that is proud of this. Very fucking small, but it's there. So, I'm just here, with a 10 inch bastard of a netbook that operates so slowly even Apple LCII's laugh at it behind it's back. No one wants to buy this thing on Ebay, with good reason, so that chances of getting a REAL laptop are fading quickly. But boo hoo, right? Kids are starving in China, as the old adage goes, so stop whining and eat your oatmeal. I think that's part of the saying as well, I don't know, my mom never actually used that one against me.
*SPOILER ALERT* Okay, here's a subject, The Human Centipede. No doubt you've heard all about this sick little film that isn't really as revolting as it's reputation suggests. Sure, it's pretty fucking gross, but after seeing A Serbian Film (DO NOT WATCH), it's pretty hard for any film to get under my skin (GLOAT). I watched THC (Ha!) again a few nights back, this time paying close attention to Deiter Laser (Best. Name. Ever). He was given the task of portraying another mad scientist bent on creating a monster for reasons no one but him understands. Not a hard role to pull off considering that ALMOST EVERY HORROR MOVIE IN HISTORY HAS A CHARACTER LIKE THIS. Laser (Pew Pew!!), however, took this as a challenge, it seems, and dug deep into the psyche of a man who once loved three rottweilers sewn together ass to mouth. He hates people, as he states, and spends his time drugging truckers and dragging them back to his thoroughly modern home in Middle of Who The Fuck Knows, Germany. (Side Note: I wanted that last line to be in German, but there is no translation for "middle of who the fuck knows." That would've been really funny though, huh?) So anyway, he's insane. Check. Has an obsession with goal that makes no sense and is harmful to others. Check. He's somehow wealthy. Check. Textbook mad scientist, no? But Laser takes it to a whole other level of fucking bat-shit crazy. His mind is so warped you almost forgive the film maker's who are actually responsible for all the madness. He spends time on screen daydreaming. That's right, he clocks out in the middle of scenes regularly, but it's not for lack of acting. Laser is in character, dreaming of a day when he can stitch together a million people to make a Hands Across America centipede minus the hands and more ass to mouthing. He's so dedicated to the role it's almost impressive. Scratch that: it's totally impressive. Just watch the scene when he finally reveals his "masterpiece" to itself, and starts crying with joy as his creation cries in terror and agony. It's a layered performance in a film that doesn't warrant a layered performance. That's what I'm getting at. For how God damn ridiculous this film is (and it is ridiculous), Deiter Laser took his job completely seriously, and I think it payed off. I like the movie, mostly because it's hilarious and gross in very entertaining ways, but watching Deiter Laser do his thing makes it something special. So there you go, if you weren't quite sure you wanted to see The Human Centipede, there's a recommendation. It's on Netflix Instant Queue, there's no excuse for you not watching it on a different screen while reading this.
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